You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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