Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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