I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
