Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
