I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All the doctor said was why
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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