I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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