his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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