Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
