you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
