I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
