what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
