I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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