I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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