Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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