Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
