Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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