dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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