you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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