I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
