the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
