maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
