True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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