Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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