walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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