then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Jerry, you need to find god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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