The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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