To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
