Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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