I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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