woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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