If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
