My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't notice because vodka
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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