I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
