Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
