so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
