the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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