you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
