WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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