dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
