She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
