I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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