I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
