I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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