I think my vagina is haunted
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
