I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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