i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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