So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
