mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
