there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
