i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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