ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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