so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
