The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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